Super Short Odyssey
by Phantom Dragn
Summary: Just what it says, a super short version of the Odyssey. Did it for fun in English, enjoy...


Disclaimer: A dead guy owns the Odyssey, not me...

**Reduced Odyssey**

**Book1:**

Poseidon- I'm going on a trip

Gods- OK...

Athena- Let's mess up his plans behind his back

Zeus- Whatever

Athena- Telemachos, I am some guy named Mentes, and I say to yell at the old people and demand a boat to find your father.

Telemachos- Sure

**Book2:**

Telemachos- Please...

Antinoos- Don't listen to him

Elders- Why not...

Telemachos- Give me a boat

Elders- OK

Athena- I am now Telemachos, give me a boat and men by tomorrow.

People- Sure

**Book3:**

Telemachos- Hello, tell me of my father

Nestor- First let me talk of my trip and how Agamemnon was stabbed in the back

Telemachos- How interesting, now where is my father

Nestor- He is elsewhere, go ask Menalaos

**Book4:**

Telemachos- Hello Menalaos

Menalaos- Hello, and let me say how good Odysseus was

Telemachos- WAAAAAAAAAAAA

Helen- I think he is Telemachos

Menalaos- Ah, it is, let us talk

Helen- First I must drug you all

Menalaos- Well, an Old Man who likes sleeping with seals told me he is alive

Telemachos- Thank you

Antinoos- I want to kill Telemachos

Suitors- YAY

Penelope- Where is he?

Antinoos- Somewhere

Penelope- cries

Athena- I am your sister and declare he is alive!

Penelope- stops crying

**Book5:**

Hermes- Calypso, you must send Odysseus away

Calypso- Odysseus, you must leave, but why do you want her when I am so beautiful

Odysseus- I love Penelope

Poseidon- I want to enter the story to blow Odysseus to pieces

Athena- Grab the rock and live

Odysseus- Haha Poseidon, I am alive

**Book6:**

Nausicaa- Come with me and clean up

Odysseus- Athena, will you please help!

Athena- Obviously

**Book7:**

Alcinoos- Tell me your story

Odysseus- Poseidon hates my guts

Alcinoos- Oh, well, then we must help you get on a boat

**Book9**:_flashback start_

Natives- Sit here and eat leaves forever

Odysseus- No

Cyclops- I am the great Cyclops

Odysseus- POKE!

Cyclops- AHHH Noman has blinded me

Odysseus- BAAAA

Cyclops- I must let my sheep out and hunt Noman

Odysseus- HAHA, my name is Odysseus and I live in Ithaca where I am going and here is my social security, password, bank account, address, personal info, and title. Oh, and take my wallet too.

Cyclops- I want vengeance

Dad (Poseidon)- Grr, die

**Book10:**

Aiolos- I will help!

Odysseus- Zzzzzzzz

Aiolos- I won't help!

Circe- Hello. turns them to pigs

Crew- Oink

Odysseus- I must go meet her

Hermes- Take this Moly from me, a god

Odysseus- It's Holy Moly, thank you...Roar

Circe- OH my, I will be nice to you now, and turn everyone back

**Book11:**

Odysseus- Tell me what to do

Teiresias- Don't eat the immortal cattle, go kill the suitors, go bury an oar in the ground, and pray

Odysseus- Hi mom, hi Agamemnon sorry you're dead, hi Achilles.

Everyone- Hi...bye

**Book12:**

Odysseus- EVIL! Ate my men, oh well

Don't eat the cattle

Crew- Yummy!

Zeus- zap

Crew- We're dead now...

Odysseus- I'm not! (Readers groan) _flashback ends_

**Book13:**

Alcinoos- Send the boat

Odysseus- I'm here!

Poseidon- I want to punish him more...again...a few times

Zeus- Whatever

Poseidon- I tap 3 mana to turn you to rock laughs

People- Oh no!

Athena- I will make you look like a beggar

Odysseus- Dang

**Book14:**

Eumaios- Hello

Odysseus- Let's talk

**Book16:**

Odysseus- I am your father

Telemachos- No, you are not

Odysseus- Yes, I am

Telemachos- Father!

Odysseus- Let's kill everyone

Telemachos- evil grin

**Book17:**

Suitors- Lets beat up the beggar

Odysseus-...

**Book19:**

Eurycleia- Look it's a scar...Odysseus is BACK

Odysseus- Be quiet or you die, because I say so

**Book21:**

Penelope- Shoot this bow well and win me

Suitors- Yay

Telemachos- Let me try

Suitors- You can't do it, haha

Odysseus- I will try

Suitors- Haha, little old man thinks he ca...

twang, zhomp

Odysseus- Let's party

**Book 22:**

Antinoos- The little old man killed me, oh no

Odysseus- I am all powerful Odysseus

Suitors- Spare us, we only ate all your food, did stuff to your maids, tried to kill your son, wooed your wife, and said you were dead!

Odysseus- Die

Suitors- Oh no, we're dead

**Book 23:**

Eurycleia- He is home

Penelope- No, he's not

Odysseus- Your wooden bed is made of a tree

Penelope- YAY, he's back

**Book24:**

Agamemnon- How did you die

Suitors- Odysseus came back to kill us after 20 years. waits for pity

Agamemnon- Hurrah for Odysseus

Odysseus- I am back, father

Dad- You aren't he

Odysseus- You gave me some trees

Dad- Oh, son, how wonderful you are home.

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Did this for fun during English, enjoy.

My friend actually used this as a study guide for his test, freaky...


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